My MS story

I finished grad school in 2015 years ago. I never thought this was possible. I went to the emergency room in 2003 with a migraine, that migraine lasted more than 20 years. That was in addition to my MS symptoms which started in 1999. This is a story about transformation of health, body, mind and spirit. 

After being in pain everyday for years in 2007 I started to paint again. I remembered as a child how painting made me feel so wonderful and empowered. With each brush stroke I made, I was breathing through my pain. I let the canvas absorb my suffering. I felt alive when I painted. This was important for me to remember, because sometimes i think I would forget that I was actually living. And because the making of art reminded me that I was alive it provided small glimpses of hope. 

And through the art making I found more hope and more inspiration to want to be alive. And at a time of exclusion of self and the world this communication was everything to me. So it was a communication of art and body. Art making saved my life. Art gave me the spirit to make changes in my life. In chronic pain, nothing was working for me. I wanted to die. So I changed everything. My images and the process of making Art gave me the strength to make changes. I wanted to change. I wasn't living, I was barely breathing. 

In 2009 I decided to start making big changes. First I chose not to take any MS disease modifying treatments (DMT's). Then I changed my diet, I changed my attitude , I started my mindfulness practice, I learned new things (what I call brain shifting), I exercised, I took the negative out of my consciousness, I used ownership language, I used daily affirmations, I decided I was going to be healthy again, I had faith in myself, and I loved myself. I chose life. Now almost eight years later these changes continue to transform my life healing process. With these changes I believe -my body, mind, spirit and health have never been better. I chose life. Art, no matter what modality I'm using inspires me. It helps me want to live. I accept who I am and what my body can do. I’m in pain everyday. Sometimes it hurts to walk, to move, to breathe, but I can still do it.

I choose to breathe, move, walk my own way. I accept my pain. In a sense I communicate with my pain, for example I’ll say pain-I love you. It is a part of me. For years I didn’t like it and yes I wanted it to leave. But I’ve made peace with my pain. So with an autoimmune disease like multiple sclerosis, my cells are attacking my cells. I had a conflict going on inside my body.  I felt the more I was angry about it and fought the pain emotionally or with medication, my pain continued. 

It was when I started to love and accept me for who I am, it shifted. I am enough. I choose consciously to live this way. To be full of gratitude and amazement of all things. This is how it is possible for me to thrive not just survive with a chronic condition. This is the story -how Art and life-itself are simultaneously providing me with hope and healing. Thank you.

Zian Chavez

2025

The Mandala Star. December 13, 2020

I felt like I was floating through the patterns of the universe. I turn as if I was under the sea looming around each cove. To discover a massive turtle gazing into my eyes.m
Beauty and nature smiles. I see it.

She cries too, I feel it.
As I fly I see the beauty.
The little boy blowing bubbles.
The woman looking for her keys.
Awareness of connectedness.
I am connected to that woman who now found her keys.
I fly through colors of red and green.
The red is velvety and luxurious and warm.
Green is showering me with an abundance of good health and soothes my soul. The colors of life take me to a place that is real and imaginable.
I am a star floating.
We are all stars floating in the vast universe.
I am that symbol of heaven and the corners of the earth.
The star is sacred.
I see the stars at night.
I feel the stars by day.
Learning from the star, it has the wisdom of the universe.
I remember I am part of that star.
We are together. Yes we are one.
We are the stars.

By: Diane Chavez (Zian)